Veiled by the solar shadow and wispy evening clouds, the new moon in sidereal taurus is a final initiation into the inverted energies that once brought us comfort. There is a collective, oversaturated emphasis on ‘boundaries’ and ‘groundedness,’ so much to the point that we are invoking density at the expense of fluidity. Manifesting abundance, cutting ties with what does not serve us and cleansing ourselves of past traumatic memories -- rather than the pain they evoked and the healing that they may lead us toward -- not only become markers of deluded spiritual growth, but they serve a capitalist, consumerist agenda that is reminiscent of imbalanced taurean energy more than anything else. Yet to be developed taurean energy reads to me as possessive, defensive, over-invested in the binary of winning or losing. Boundaries become self-serving walls that ward out any potential for trigger, and in doing so, the opportunity for growth. What was once erected as a self-empowering means of affirming stability becomes a childlike attempt to protect oneself against any kind of harm without seeing how perspective challenging energy can serve rather than harm.
The new moon feels less about doing spellwork around material success and more about dipping our toes into the taurean/scorpionic axis that offers the renewing, baptismal medicine which exists on the other side of the trigger. This is the first time I am able to articulate and identify how taurus and scorpio complement each other; for too long, this axis has been hypersexualized, ridden completely of its potent healing pools available to those who embrace the dive. Because that’s what this sidereal taurus season has felt like to me: a complete spiraling into the deepest crevices of wounding I was too proud to acknowledge and begin to knead my spirit into. There are cuts, scars and gashes in my Heart that prevent me from fully loving, immobilize my capacity for complete generosity and block my ability to receive the love I am deserving of, so long as I see I am such. The understandable rigidity that comes with taurean/scorpionic energy certainly feels like a deep rooted, ancient prophecy of the archetypes for which they were named; in order to be renewed, to merge with the life force that is creative, sexual sensuality, there must first be the consensual initiation into density/etheric mass. When I think of what lies at the end of the universe, what marks the beginning/ending/complete entrance into abysmal territory, I think of the dark matter that we have come to fear.
Facing what lies on the horizon of ‘abundance,’ or even the sexual prowess and powerful stability that we have assigned both taurus and scorpio themselves, requires a softening. Before we can become grounded, we must experience the chaos that is our failure to recognize what lies in our own composition. There is a reckoning here, a bravery needed on our part to choose vulnerability over stubbornness, to lovingly tend to our triggers and treat defensiveness with compassion.
The last couple weeks, I have felt my anxiety rise over a series of spiraling events that appeared out of my control. I was in the process of moving homes, applying and interviewing for new jobs, reconciling my need to be productive and coming to terms with the new structure of my post-grad life that I had both yearned for and now feared. In processing these very intense, transformative changes, I watched myself snap at my loved ones, become reserved and bitter, hold imagined debts over people’s heads and relish in a ‘mine, mine, mine’ mentality. I am seeing this patterning as more than an issue of control, but a cry for loving self-renewal at the expense of my ‘boundaries.’ My boundaries have kept triggers out. My boundaries have not honored my growth, only the comfort that I believed I was deserving of and simultaneously failed to see how I deserved more. This challenging, frightening, discomforting energy was no more than an angel in disguise, and as kiara so clearly stated in her newsletter earlier today, must be told:“i will feel you because you are of me and i am trying to know myself.”
From here, there is only healing. As refreshing as an abundant fertile valley, clarifying like mountain air, rolling hills as opening as a healed art. There is such an opportunity for growth here. Through density yields fluidity. With love as our guide, stronger than pride, we have a chance to open ourselves to the initiation unfolding right now. Taurus wants comfort, to know that they are supported and loved even when they experience the seemingly crippling pains of emotional vulnerability. If we can re-define strength as emotional competence rather than emotional immunity, we can begin to dive a little deeper.
Now is an excellent time to re-examine what is triggering us, and how we are responding. When we feel afraid or threatened, we may tense up. Become defensive, over-sensitive, combative, even vengeful. It is in these responses that we may come to understand the hard-headed taurean bull as a child of Aries, not Venus or the Moon. And in acknowledging its planetary overseer, we may begin to navigate this season with more determination and honor. Can we take the remaining strides into taurus season as a challenge made for us to overcome, so long as we open ourselves to humility, appreciation for the abundance already available to us, and the departure from the rigid means of self-defense we have acquired in the name of empowerment?
Our empowerment no longer needs to be felt through repression, avoidance, deflection or combat. We are far stronger than our defenses, because we may now choose to flow with steady purpose and intention. Even today’s numbers, 188.8.131.52, show us the way into engaging with energies surrounding the Self, Heart, emotional transformation/shadow alchemy and ultimate spiritual healing journey. They feel like very loving, fluid numbers but they certainly do not come without dedication, clear intention and patience. May tonight be magical for you, clarifying, and refreshing.
Blessed new moon, and please be well.